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The simpler times

A got to work this morning and signed on to Facebook, which is typically what I do while I am drinking my coffee or juice, eating my breakfast and contemplating the day.  Today, my news feed was full of comments and words of love about the untimely loss of a friend of mine from college.  This woman was a bright light.  She was a joyful, carefree spirit with a laugh that was unforgettable.  She was a creative superstar and a passionate friend.  She was 38.

It had been far too long since I had seen this friend, but in all reality, she was the type of person whose kindness and wisdom drew you in.  She was the type of person that everyone wanted to know and everyone considered a best friend.  She loved to dance.  I had not seen this kind soul in far, far too long and I personally did not know about her daily life, her real life, but clearly, it was not exactly what it seemed in the annals of social media.  It turns out she was suffering and I guess in the past few days, weeks, and months, the suffering became too much.

I cannot even begin to understand what type of pain she must have been in and how desperate she must have been to have decided to take her life, but I am glad that for her, her suffering is over.  Perhaps she never recovered from the death of her mother or from other painful losses and heartaches which we all encounter in our formative years.  What ever the reason, it feels hard to swallow, and impossible to reconcile.

No, I no longer knew her well, and I did not know anything about her “real” life anymore, but there was a time when she and I saw each other daily.  Stood next to each other in choir and bopped to the beat of the same music with the same friends in someone’s dorm room regularly. There was a time when I shared my secrets with her and when I know she and I hugged one another for support.

As my dear friend put it today in tribute to the woman who this world lost, “I have a deep yearning to listed to a capella music and remember the simpler times…back at school”.  She is so right.  Those were the simpler times.  When we were all invincible and the sorrow of the world was completely outside of us.

Today, as adults, the troubles of the world are never far away.  The fears of what could be are always findable…just read CNN or watch your local news.

No, I personally could not have changed the outcome of what happened to my friend, but I can work harder to connect, and reconnect…not just on Facebook or Twitter, but for real.  In letters and phone calls.  I can work to build and celebrate my daughter’s self-esteem in an effort to keep the demons (should they come calling) at bay.  I can remember to hug my husband and my LadyBug close and thank my mom and sister once in a while.  When tragedy strikes…and it does, all the time, we say that we will never forget.  But we always do because life gets in the way.  Our complicated, multifaceted life…gets. in. the. way.

I remember the simpler times.  I do not remember the details or the conversations, I only remember the feelings and the carefree nature of my world.  I hope that in this overly connected, sadly painful and challenging world that we currently live in, my daughter can experience that level of simplicity.  I hope that someday she will be able to recall a simple and pleasurable time, as I am today when I think of the old friend that is gone.

May you rest in peace you bright soul.  Your light was taken from this world too soon…may you finally find the happiness and calm that you were searching for.  I will never forget you.

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